Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A boss, a gopher, and all around craziness...

I owe you, my dear bleeps (all 7 of you), an apology. I have been holding things back from you. In my defense I’ve been holding back this information because I didn’t want to whine and complain to all of you. I now realize, however, that by depriving you of my whining I am also depriving you of some pretty hilarious stories. So here goes nothing…

I work in a loony bin.

First, a bit of background. I have always worked in loony bins. I taught high school science for gosh sakes! Last June, to my dismay, I was laid off from my job and was left unemployed about two weeks away from my wedding. Sweet. Now, my master’s degree is in curriculum design and I was a bit jaded about the whole laid off thing, so I decided to take a job that involved me being out of the classroom designing curriculum and programming for teachers. I thought it sounded amazing. I pictured myself brainstorming with equally excited teachers to develop kick ass programs. I saw myself kindly guiding teachers through these programs and helping them to become better teachers. I saw lots of excited students involved in these programs. It was heavenly.

Fast forward to today….I work in a cubicle (I should take a picture) in a small department of 5 people (including myself) who are possibly all certifiably crazy….with the exception of myself, of course . I figured today I would just give you a brief introduction to two of the cast so that as stories come about I can tell them to you quickly and hilariously (because if I laugh at them it seems so much happier around here). I’ll introduce you to the other two cast members tomorrow so that this doesn’t turn into a super long post.

First there’s The Boss. The boss is a bitter woman who is approximately my mother’s age. She has kind of been in education most of her lift, although she has never taught. She mostly dealt with their technology setup….and now she’s giving the green light (or more often the red light) to our programs. She is most famous for bellowing from her office when she needs one of us. If you don’t answer right away, she doesn’t get up, she just bellows louder…in her deep, somewhat manly, voice. She is also notorious for her high standards…that change on a daily basis. Put together a fantastic summary of a program for her that she throws praise at on Monday and on Tuesday it’s a virtual piece of poop. Never can tell what you’re going to get with the boss…

Then there’s The Gopher. The gopher has been with the company for longer than any of us with the exception of the boss and is kind of my superior (though that’s never been totally spelled out…just a notion that I get). The gophers cube is directly behind mine and no matter how I angle my computer he can see what I’m doing…if he pops his head up…which is all the time (hence the name). In his defense, I think he’s just lonely. He’s in his late 20s, lives by himself, and spends every weekend at his mother’s house. And judging by the amount of time he talks, he must not have anyone to talk to at home. Kinda sad. What’s even sadder (more sad, whatever) is that normally I love to talk. But with the gopher you can’t get a word in edgewise. If you could manage to get a thought out in the middle of a conversation with him, I’d pay you lots of money…because it just doesn’t happen. So you just kind of sit there, smile, nod, and think about what you’re going to be doing after work that day.

Stay tuned tomorrow…for the second two cast member who are equally (if not more) bizarre.

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